Sucks More Than Anything Else

I can't think of any "musician" or musical act that I like less than Johnathan Mayer. What a shitty piece of shit. How is this guy so famous. Is it just that he knows a bunch of famous people or, is his uncle a record exec? It seems that's how talentless dick heads get record deals.

Johnny, Don't take your self seriously,ever. You suck.

Things that are Never True

1) Mmmm, that incense smells great!
2) This is the perfect weather for my fleece jacket and river sandals. I just get so cold up top and hot down bottom.
3) I can't stand it anymore - if the Republicans win, I'm moving to Canada!
4) I found your freestyle very illuminating.
5) I could've never gotten this job without my liberal arts degree.
6) Is there any more barbecued tempeh? It's delicious!
7) I'm not stupid, it's just computers hate me! Every time I get near one, it's like, "Oh no! Here comes Becky, I better just completely boot down or whatever!"

What Web Empire is This?

Lest you begin to think you've been reading Concern: The Magazine about Anxiety or its free bi-weekly partner publication Fret here on this site, I have some more traditional Discerning Philistine content for you today.

The Discerning Philistine hates antique shops. They're crammed with all manner of lacy glassware and you can't touch anything. You know that. Plus he hates sloth, and laziness. A lack of professionalism really gets under his Carhartts, and he's no fan of the Yankees.

When he makes a "To Do" list, he writes "Can Do" at the top, because he likes that better. And the man loves ham. Lord, does he love ham, and pork is his favorite vegetable.

Hey World

Hey Guys,

Sorry it's been so long between posts! I've been really busy with my voiceover business. I record skits on a lot of rap artists' ringtones, and I did the laff trak on this film:


My album drops May 15th! It's a conceptual ringtone series, co-sponsored by the LG network. It's a Southern-Rap-Bass-in-your-Fass piece, the theme is "Life is Good," because isn't it just?

Stay Real Breezy.

Giant Babies

Today's "Beneath Contempt" comes to you from the streets of New York City. Most of our readers are probably familiar with Razor scooters. Sure, I bet your 12 year-old cousin loves hers. But unless you live in New York you've probably never seen a full grown adult using one of these toys as a mode of transportation.
A discerning philistine knows when to put away childish things. It's better to walk then to scoot around looking like a giant baby.

From this Month's Playboy Interview

Interview with Chad Kroeger, [Canadian] lead singer of Nickleback.


"We've had people say a lot of bad things about us. How is it possible to have everyone hate us? If my music is fucking up your life, change the station, dude. I'm just some guy who sings in a rock-and-roll band. I'm not Hitler."

Playboy: Do you have middle-American tastes in everything? TV, cars, beer, movies, books?
Kroeger: You could probably scratch books off that list! (laughs). I like car chases, explosions, big boobs - same things middle American likes.