Tips 'n' Tricks (Or Treats?)

Halloween costumes are great.
Obviously slutty cats are stupid, unless they are extremely cheap. If you bought it at CVS, you can count on looking trashy enough that it'll be understood you're dressing as a "sexy cat Halloween costume". You can tell this lady is right on track- she has to hold up the tail to keep it attached and she's standing on one leg to keep the pants up. Nicely done.

A better option is the existing-clothes route. Breezy Palomino is going to be a corn plant this year. That just means wearing brown shoes to represent the dark, rich earth; green legs to be the lushly fertile, planty stems; and a loud sweater to be the life-giving yellow corn itself. This is a photograph of me this morning:

And obviously the Discerning Philistine is going to be a cowboy.

-Lil Bree$y

Things that are Never True

1) Mmmm, that incense smells great!
2) This is the perfect weather for my fleece jacket and river sandals. I just get so cold up top and hot down bottom.
3) I can't stand it anymore - if the Republicans win, I'm moving to Canada!
4) I found your freestyle very illuminating.
5) I could've never gotten this job without my liberal arts degree.
6) Is there any more barbecued tempeh? It's delicious!
7) I'm not stupid, it's just computers hate me! Every time I get near one, it's like, "Oh no! Here comes Becky, I better just completely boot down or whatever!"

Gettin' Handsy

A man with no fingers

sucks slightly less than


a man with very long fingernails.

(The Very Hungry Caterpillar)

Still here

Imagine how angry Zach De La Rocha



got when he heard about Abu Ghraib



-Yo soy

Crazy? No, I say Charisma.

What Web Empire is This?

Lest you begin to think you've been reading Concern: The Magazine about Anxiety or its free bi-weekly partner publication Fret here on this site, I have some more traditional Discerning Philistine content for you today.

The Discerning Philistine hates antique shops. They're crammed with all manner of lacy glassware and you can't touch anything. You know that. Plus he hates sloth, and laziness. A lack of professionalism really gets under his Carhartts, and he's no fan of the Yankees.

When he makes a "To Do" list, he writes "Can Do" at the top, because he likes that better. And the man loves ham. Lord, does he love ham, and pork is his favorite vegetable.

Fall

Do you get very hungry come fall? I do, and my fingers get cold and stiff.

Christ, I could eat a leaf!

Fractals in our Lives Today

The romanesco is a fractal. It is bright yellow-green, and it is perfect.

It will teach you about emergent behavior, if you let it lead you around the net. Each of its nub spirals comes whirling out of another nub spiral, and I think it must be grown on top of a spiraling pile of dirt on the side of a spiraling mountain.

Sometimes I think about perfect things. The Discerning Philistine finds the concept of perfection insulting, but loves puppies.

Imagine this dog:

Extrapolate the Jindo dog's tail into a fractal. Would you still want that dog? The Jindo dog can housetrain itself. I hear they are sort of jerks but as far as I can tell they are fluffy and their tails are all curled up in the way I like.

But the thing about dogs is, does dog love exhibit emergent behavior? Would you love it and love it more and more if it pees in your house but snuggles you? And should I get one? I'm sure I don't know.

Stuff: What's Up With That?

This is a special edition directed towards The Very Hungry Caterpillar, who is so much younger than everybody else. The 'Pillar left I comment saying how glad the 'Pillar is to have us back.

Oh, and I'm glad to "bee back," little fuzzy. (Like, picture a bee's back or a shirt made to look like that.) The thing about the internet is you think your photo researcher team will be able to find a photo for every occasion, but it just isn't so. This'll do I guess:



But it isn't really the same as what I am picturing, which is less scientific and softer. So here is a new concept: reality-internet fusion blogging. This is when, for example, I, from here inside the netz, tell you to picture something and you do picture it conceptually INSIDE your meats and bones. And another example is somewhat different but that's when your mom tells you about "a really great YouTube" that she saw so she (I'm sitting upright suddenly, really gettin' after this one) is like REAL WORLD forwarding it to you. She told you it with her mouth and then you just have to take it to the netz and look it up. That happened to me with a thing about neti pots.

NEwayz, did you ever notice how the whites and things write things like "netz", "NEwayz", and "Sup?" What I mean is, slangy things they don't say in real life, making a sort of e-bonics (like e-mail, do you get it?). Just something I noticed over here.

Yours, inside the tubes,

Lil' Bree$y

Hi Friends

Something that's boring about blogs is the thing where all they are is someone Googling around for something funny you've already seen and then giving it to you. This ends up in me receiving a particular ethnically-targeted video about grandmas some FIVE times in one day. We're all just skimming the sticky top off of the internet - but I personally don't have what it takes to delve beneath.

I'll give you a picture to make rest your eyes:

But I don't want to just give you any videos right now. What do you think about that picture? So funny, right? But like I could see getting into those costumes, it's just your hair would be so smooth and sometimes those tights make your legs cold but the clacky shoes would be f-u-n fun.

I'm sorry, I haven't apologized, I'm just trying to DANCE around it I guess. What I mean is, at least four people really liked to read this and people have been asking about it and it's like, I just left you all hanging, and that's like so f-ed up. When I know my online internet web-based idea log really meant a lot to you. So The Discerning Philistine works a lot, and Terry McNamara is getting educated, but I'm here for you. I'm here. Sh-sh-shhh, I'm here.

I'll do what it takes to win you over, if doing what it takes is:

Typing REALLY FAST!

Thinking of jokes to keep you laughing

and

Looking on the internet some.

-Lil' Bree$y